being real, Christian, Empty nest, encouragement, family, forgiveness, God, God's Plan, grateful, life, love, mom life, slowing down, sports, sports mom, teenagers

unforgiveness

UNFORGIVENESS

It’s Sunday morning and everyone else is asleep.  It’s the best time for me to get some quiet time with my coffee and book.  Today I decided to take my Bible outside with a devotional to read today before my book.  I have a paper taped to the front of my Bible with a Month of Prayers for your children.  Basically, each day has a verse and a specific thing to pray about for your children.  Everybody struggles from time to time and lately both my kids have struggled with something. Something that I couldn’t fix as a parent or even help with.  People have hurt them and all I can do is pray about the situation and have faith that God had it all under control.  Today I went over every single day.  Every single topic. Every single verse.  I even wrote some down that stood out to me.  I get to the 30th and the verse is Ephesians 4:31-32

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with other forms of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.

Well….somehow while praying for my kids I became the one that needed this the most.  I have been holding onto unforgiveness.  Someone hurt my kids and I am mad.  I am hurt for them and I have been holding onto that for weeks, months maybe.  Today I realized it was killing me literally.  I have literally been holding this inside and letting to fester and eat me away from the inside out.  I am not this person.  Those of you that truly know me and my heart know that I promote love.  Love for everyone.  I promote encouragement and try to encourage and lift people up everywhere I go.  I am not a person with hate and rage.  I am not a person that holds grudges.  I am not a person that holds onto anger.  But lately that has been me.  I haven’t quite been myself both mentally, spiritually and emotionally for a while now and today it all came to the surface.

I tell you all this because today I was overtaken by emotion after reading that verse and realized that I was doing just the opposite of that and I had bitterness, rage, anger and malice in my heart.  All of these. I’m embarrassed to even type that out for a blog with the title All the Things (with Love).  I was not loving these people at all.  I was anger and hurt and I was holding onto that and making myself sick.

I’m not saying all this to be a martyr or to get any comments about how brave I am or how “you’re a better woman than me”  I say it to remind you all that unforgiveness is disease and it can literally kill you.  It can eat away at your soul and change you as a person.  A person you do not want to be.

So today I made a choice…continue with this mindset or choose to forgive and release myself from the poison.  I chose to take care of myself.  To take care of my heart and my soul and take care of my mind and body.  I chose me.  I chose to take back my heart and soul from the disease and take back my mind from the storm that was turning into a full blown hurricane/tsunami/other really bad weather thingy.

I chose forgiveness.

being a mom and wife, being real, blended family, Christian, christmas memories, Empty nest, encouragement, family, Food, God, God's Plan, grateful, life, love, memories, mom life, slowing down, southern, sports, sports mom, teenagers

Slow Down

I know what you are all thinking…another blog post about how we are all supposed to slow down our lives and try to savor each moment.  Well you are right!!  I was sitting in a hospital waiting room the other night and this concept of slowing down kind of came to me.  I wrote my thoughts down at the time like I usually do but they never quite made it to this blog.  Anyway is this concept unattainable? For some I think it is.  Maybe for myself because my life is really not my own most days.  As a mom of four, mostly teenagers, I don’t usually dictate what my day is going to look like or even what my week is going to look like because it’s usually scheduled out for me.  Practices and games.  School functions and meetings.  Work outside the home and inside the home.  Deadlines and such.  We are all so busy as moms because our life is not our own and we just strive to get everyone where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there.  I will have to say for those mommas with littles it does slow down some when you have a new driver in the family.  But that poses a whole different set of stresses because you are worried sick that they are okay out there without you.  That they aren’t in a ditch somewhere with their car turned upside down.  Slow down you say??  Maybe for some of us that is only a fleeting thought as we hop in the car to take this one to practice and the other to a friend’s house only to make that same circle again in a few hours.  There are times that we do slow down and enjoy each other around the dinner table and there are seasons during the year where this is a regular thing.  But there are also seasons where it’s like our door is one of those revolving where one or two of us goes in while one or two others goes out and this lasts for weeks on end.  We travel in different directions for different activities and occasionally we all meet up at the same place at the same time.  For now I will take it because there is no chance of a slow down here with all the things to do and places to go to but eventually there will be a day that I wake up and there will be no one to take to their game or practice, no one to school or meetings.  They will have lives of their own and eventually they will be taking their own littles and bigs to things.  It’s all part of the circle of life even though sometimes that circle seems like the swirling of a toilet bowl or better yet a tornado.  I’ll just hang on for the tornado ride right now.  I have always heard that there a calm after the storm too.

 

 

being a mom and wife, being real, blended family, Christian, Empty nest, encouragement, family, God, God's Plan, grateful, life, love, memories, mom life, slowing down, southern, sports mom

They think we’re fishing

Lately I have seen a few posts from young parents and their little ones fishing with the same caption on all of them….”They think we’re fishing”.  I can relate to this everyday.  In other words, the kids think they are merely fishing but the parents know that this is way more than just fishing.  It’s time spent.  It’s a special time together that they will never get back.  It’s a time to cherish and to soak up every second with their sweet little ones.  It’s a time to hold them close and to talk to them.  It’s a time to teach them something like patience and sitting still.  It doesn’t have to be fishing at all.  It can be anything that you do with your child and yet they don’t realize how special it is to you.  They have no idea how much that you are going to miss this age they are in or the fact that they aren’t little anymore.  They don’t understand that you are holding on as tight as you can while at the same time giving them room to fly.  It’s never just “fishing”.  From a parent perspective it is always so much more.  When they are older and they look back on this time spent, whatever your activity is, they will realize that it was a special time.  When they look back on time spent with a loved one that has now gone to Heaven they will understand that it was much more than “fishing”.  It was a time to learn who you are and where you came from.  It was making memories that you didn’t even realize were memories until much later in life.  They will look back with a smile on their face and a far off look and recall those times with warmth and longing just like I do for those times with my loved ones that have gone on.

Don’t fault them for not savoring every last moment.  Don’t fault them for being “bored”.  But Momma and Daddy you savor every single moment.  You soak it all up.  Cherish even the rough times because they make the good times even better. And never ever take for granted the time you have with your little ones or your big ones.  This is a luxury that not everyone has and it could be one that may be taken away.  Make every moment count. Love big and Love hard. But always Remember…..

 

THEY THINK WE’RE FISHING

 

 

 

being a mom and wife, being real, Christian, Empty nest, encouragement, God's Plan, grateful, love, memories, slowing down

But That’s Not the Plan!!??

Lots of times we make big plans for ourselves.  We plan to do this and be that and go here and visit there.  BUT……God has a different idea.  He has a different plan all lined out for us and we have no idea which way it will take us.  We think we have it all figured out…you know graduate high school, 4 years of college, graduate college, get a job, get married, buy a house, buy a car, have a few kids.  You know the drill.  Yeah, It NEVER happens that way. Maybe for some it happens this way but I don’t know any of those people and I frankly I don’t want to.  I probably wouldn’t like them very much (just being real here).

Life is an adventure.  I’m sure that’s in the bible somewhere.  Maybe in not so many words or phrased differently.  But none the less it is definitely a roller coaster and sometimes you pee a little on those big upside down loops (forgive me…I have a 44 year old momma brain (and bladder) it’s just the way it is).

God and life have a way of turning your best laid plans upside down.  I’m here to say that it’s all gonna be okay.  Yeah, you are going to cry and laugh and yeah..pee a little. But He has got it all figured out even if you don’t.  It’s gonna suck eggs sometimes and sometimes that suck egg part lasts for a few years.  But then there is the aha moments.  Those moments that you sit there and realize that it’s all going to work out and God has placed you right where you are for a reason.  It’s those moments that you realize that it is all much bigger than yourself.  That your little world is actually much bigger than you thought and you are still a crucial part of it all.  He has work for you to do.  He has ideas for your life that you can never conceive in your tiny little human brain. It takes a while sometimes for your heart and head to catch up to God’s plan and then look back and realized that He was there all along.  He was in the weeds with you and He was in the sunshine too.  He was and is in it all.

I have lots of changes coming in my little world this year with kids leaving the nest and others being the only one left in the nest (as if he was not spoiled enough…don’t judge). We can never prepare ourselves for what the Lord has for us but we have to be open to all the many possibilities that He has for us.  Our lives can take a hairpin turn at any minutes both good and bad.  We have to trust that God has a plan in it all (easy when it’s good, harder when it’s bad) and follow His lead.  Pray for His will, no matter what that may look like and be willing to accept it when it doesn’t look quite like we expected.

Friends, God has our back whether we acknowledge it or not.  He is there and He is in control.  We just have to be open to Him and His plan.

(FYI…Please remind me that I wrote this later this year when my two girls leave the nest and I’m in the fetal position in the corner crying my eyes out.  Please remind me of this…I will need it)